27/35

Dark as the Devil’s Asshole

Chronology

Hellboy and newcomer B.P.R.D. An agent in the 1950s is sent to the Appalachian Islands, where they discover a remote community ruled by witches and led by the sinister local demon Crooked Man. It reportedly has a budget of $20 million, the lowest of the four adaptations. Reverend Watts: It’s dark down there. Friday Night Pants Link: The Little Mermaid, The Flash, RoP Attacking Fans, Indy Spoilers – FNT 251 w/ Paul Chato (2023).

This piece of garbage is an abysmal failure that only tarnishes the legacy of a beloved comic character

Knees Shakin Written by Don Alexander Performed by Don Terry Courtesy of Resnik Music Group By arrangement with Mutiny Recordings. The film is a disaster from start to finish, failing in almost every aspect of filmmaking, from a mediocre script to lackluster acting and embarrassing visual effects. The plot, which was supposed to be a dark and suspenseful exploration of Hellboy’s adventures in the Appalachian woods, instead feels like a poorly put together sequence of clichés and uninspired horror tropes. The pace is appalling, it drags on for long, boring stretches that leave the audience bored and not entertained. It’s hard to believe this story came from Mike Mignola’s mind, given how he’s been butchered beyond recognition.

Visually, the film is a complete eyesore

Performance-wise, the cast seems completely over-the-top, delivering lifeless and wooden portrayals far below their talents. Hellboy himself is reduced to a one-dimensional caricature that lacks the charm or depth that makes the character iconic. The supporting characters are forgettable at best and terrifying at worst, while the dialogue is so muted it sounds like it was written by a first-year film student. The special effects look like they were ripped from a low-budget TV movie from the early 2000s. The creature designs are uninspired and the CGI is so poorly executed that it completely takes you out of the experience.

The direction is completely inept, lacking any sense of style or coherence

Even the practical effects that could be a saving grace are laughably bad. The horror elements fail to deliver even a hint of tension or fear, instead relying on cheap jumping scares that don’t land. The tone of the film is all over the place, trying to balance horror, action and dark comedy, but it fails at anything. The result is a confused mess that doesn’t know what it wants to be. How anyone in their right mind can give channeling powers to the moron who destroyed the Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance is beyond me.

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Also, the lack of budget is very evident in the scenes, and also the hiring of God knows who the actors are, if they can be called, is questionable. I knew from the first trailer that it was going to be straight-to-water type trash. It’s a mindless, uninspired cash grab that disrespects the source material and audience. Avoid this at all costs – you’ll thank yourself later. The last series of "What we do in the shadows" is one of the biggest TV and streaming premieres of the month.