There aren’t any decent single men within New York City. This is what everyone tells us. And when Deanna* relocated to the city in late 2021 and was able to find out if there’s any truth to the statement. A new single woman after having a boyfriend who had been dating her for three months broke up with her on Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. At the same time when a private Facebook community called Are We Dating the same Guy NYC came up as a suggested follow. The group was characterized by a lengthy preliminary screening survey and community guidelines which acted as a barrier for entry. It also had a membership of 43,000 members strong. Deanna was intrigued and she joined.

The community

The group, which was started in the exact purpose of helping women verify whether their love interests were actually seeing another person-was launched in the month of March 2022. Nearly every major US city is home to a similar group and the rules for everyone are clear: Anyone has the right to write anonymously, without doxxing or sharing sensitive information and in no way can members leave the group. There is no bullies, no victim-blaming, no hate speech. Don’t ever tell a person that they’ve been posted to the group.read about it https://datingfortodaysman.com/ from Our Articles Following the scandal from West Elm Caleb, a man with whom many women from New York shared negative dating experiences and linked the dots online, it seemed that a lot of women were in the market for a way to suss out the other guys who shared similar experiences. A TikTok user wrote when the incident occurred This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.

This is essentially what this group had become by the time Deanna joined. Every time a new version of Are We Dating the Same Guy is a common area for women seeking dating advice or offer warnings about men with whom they’ve experienced bad dating experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is, an act of sending other women to tempt them on social media sites has also become very common. It’s not difficult to get lost in a into a puddle of screenshots Hinge profiles, tales of bad hookups and memes about the perils of modern-day dating. The most well-known posts consist of photos that show a man wearing his first name, asking if anybody has matched with or dated the person who is that is being asked about. Red flag emojis are a common glimpse on uninspiring but ominous posts warning the group of a former lover or bad night, often accompanied with the downward-pointing arrow and the scary words See comments for more info.

Dating online has taken over our lives in recent years and a recent study finding that about 39% of heterosexual couples met their loved ones online. Therefore, it is only natural that the romance element that involves social interaction could be adapted to the modern age. Instead of talking to few friends over drinks or venting to coworkers, we’re now seeking advice from four thousand women who are experiencing similar-and sometimes almost identical experiences.

It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie one of the group member. Not to imply that there’s no advantages for some women but it was beneficial for myself in terms of clarifying my perspective on dating. It’s not a contest for women with each other, however it is instead holding men to a far higher standard than before.

It’s obvious to me that certain behavior that’s promoted and facilitated by Are We the Dating the Same Guy would be an issue if displayed by potential suitors. Pictures, information about private conversations, and screenshots that are posted without the approval of the other party or knowledge are numerous. People look through social media profiles on an almost daily basis. It’s not difficult for a potential date to be placed in the spotlight. Even though Deanna enjoys being a part group, she has some reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she adds. But I’m thinking you’ll have to deal with the fact that it becomes an echo chamber of ‘Men have forced us to do this for a long time, we’re going to pay it back.

We still live in an unjust society

We are still the patriarchal system, and until we’re truly equal this online interaction will generate different reactions based on what background each person comes from. But, can a group like this truly be committed to empowering itself on one side of the coin and indecent outrage on the contrary? Are We Dating the Same Guy? Hyperlocal and inter-personal-only for those who live and have a relationship in the city the group is located in. The women and men they share their stories with could be your next-door neighbor or coworker, friend, family member, or your most the most recent Hinge match. It’s the depersonalization that comes with operating on the internet, making it all feel like games. It’s no stretch to suggest that this is an insult to the dates involved in both of these groups. This is especially true when details of private interactions, conversations and even photographs are being shared with no knowledge or consent, often for the purpose of sheer entertainment.